Vicky's story

When I was born, i was always daddy’s little girl, little did I know what being that would involve. The abuse started from day one. He would use changing my diaper as an excuse to molest me. This would go on for the first 14 years of my life. I never in my life had a birthday party, was not allowed to have friends over and never could do the things other kids did. When I was little I do remember Christmas time was great, there were always lots of gifts for me. I guess that was his way of making up for everything else. When I was 3 or 4 years old, I remember him reading to me at night after supper. But what I didn’t know then was that he couldn’t read. He was just pretending to. When my mom was in the room he would "read” to me, she got suspicious and I can see her waiting around the corner and looking at me only to find that he thought she had left the room. She caught him with his hand up my nightgown. When I was 7 my brother was born and I got sort of pushed aside. My dad abused my mom too and almost always had her in the hospital. I remember one summer day after my brother was born, I was outside and I heard my mom screaming. I looked up at the window and saw my dad grab my mom by the hair and run her across the room and slam her face first into a large metal wardrobe cabinet. I yelled at him to stop but he wouldn’t. This was all because my brother was crying and she wanted to go check on him and he wouldn’t let her.

Then one day my mom went back to the hospital and I was told that I had to go to school, come straight home, take care of my brother, do my homework, and take care of the house and my dad. At that time I did not know what all that meant. But I was about to find out. One day when I was in my bedroom playing with my Barbies my dad came in and asked if he could play with me. Being only 7 and wanting time with my daddy I said yes. As we were playing he said to me can I show you what real Barbie’s and Kens do on a date? Not knowing any better I said yes. BIG MISTAKE!!! He then laid the ken on top of the Barbie and said to me ken does not the right equipment to show Barbie he loves her. I asked him what he meant and he said he would show me. He then pulled his pants down and mine. He then told me I had to take a nap but to leave my pants down. After he thought I was asleep he raped me.

To this day I can NOT even look at a Barbie doll without feeling like I want to rip their heads off! When I got older he would refuse to buy me things like clothing. Until I was 8 years old I honestly thought everyone wore their mother’s underwear! Anytime I needed anything no matter what it was, I was told no. but he would think nothing of buying my brother an expensive toy that he would break five minutes after he got it home.

My dad never put any food in the house or heat. The mice and rats that were in our home ate better than we did sometimes. Whenever my dad could not handle us we were handed off to friends and other family members. One day when I was about 13, maybe 14 my dad came into my room and put his hand over my mouth and told me not to scream. He was about to molest me again but this time I would not let him; I bit his hand and screamed. My mom and 4 tear old brothers came running into my room; my brother jumped on his back and began hitting him and yelling at him to leave me alone! My mom threw him out of the house but had to let him back because of the money problems. One day when I was 15 my dad once again put my mom in the hospital and moved a female family friend in. he told us they were just friends. One night I got up to get a drink of water in the bathroom and they were sleeping in the same bed! That did it, I had had enough!
I called my grandfather and moved out of the house. Of course since my brother was only 5 he would have not gone with me. All of the abuse was the reason I hung with the wrong crowd when I got older, why I drank and abused my body. It took me years of therapy to deal with all of this. I am still not over it, there has been too much damage done.

During a therapy session dolls were used and my therapist had me relive the day my dad wanted to play dolls with me. I acted out everything that happened that day and as I put ken on top of Barbie, and that’s when I remembered he raped me.
I last saw him at his dad's funeral a few years ago and did not even recognize him. No one was more shocked than I was when I hugged him, told him I loved him and forgave him. This was before I remembered that he raped me. I then got his address and sent him a card, don’t remember why. He sent it back to me with a note telling me that I had no dad to send anything to and to forget about him. See, he blames me for leaving home when he moved another woman into my mom’s house and bed; it was my fault that he did that. So I don’t want to have any contact with him ever again! You have to understand that this is a man who abused his wife, messed with her medicine to drive her insane, threw a glass ashtray at my grandmother and accused her of faking a brain tumour, went after almost every one of my mom’s sisters, emotionally, sexually and verbally abused his own daughter and verbally abuse his own son. I am so grateful to my grandfather for getting me out of that house. Because of the abuse I wet the bed until I was 16 and didn’t know how to tell time until I was 13. But somehow by the grace of god I survived it all.

Now you must be asking how I could tell all of this, well it was not easy at all; it was very painful to relive it all. But if it gives one person the courage to get out of an abusive home it was worth it. If it give sat least one person the courage that I didn’t have to come forward and tell someone it was worth it. Please I am begging you out there if you are being abused or you know someone who is, PLEASE DONT LET YOUR ABUSER GET AWAY WITH IT! PLEASE GO TELL SOMEONE!

I hope reading my story will help at least one person. Be strong, have courage and tell someone you are being abused, don’t be bullied into keeping quiet like I was. And please get the emotional help you need to get through it. I am here for anyone who needs the courage to come forward and tell someone. If I can do it, so can you. Whoever you are I will be praying for you.

Thank you for listening
Vicky Hess